Point/Counterpoint: A serious talk about our most popular breakfast food

Cereal is the simplest option for students each morning

I’m a fan of keeping things simple, and cereal is pretty much as simple as you can get. It’s comforting and easy to make, and the fact that I can make it easily despite having the work ethic and cooking skills of a doorstop is a testament to how integral cereal is to our lives.

Just think how many college kids would go hungry if cereal didn’t exist. It’s basically the breakfast equivalent of ramen noodles, essential to its meal. Eating cereal out of the box is a therapeutic exercise in laziness, almost on-par with eating ice cream straight out of the tub, except without the assumptions that you’ve just been dumped in a particularly tragic manner.

It works well for people who are more concerned with being healthy, too — just add a garnish of fruit and you’ve got yourself a breakfast that won’t invade your arteries and cause you to kick the bucket at 55 years old. Cheerios with a banana is one of life’s great simple pleasures that everyone must experience at least once in their life. It’s easy, it’s healthy (Reese Puffs notwithstanding), it’ll lengthen your lifespan. If you hate cereal, you hate being happy, and that’s just not cool. – Zach Borutski

Willow Austin

Cereal is a waste of a good meal

Most people 2015 don’t eat breakfast daily. That’s just a plain fact.

The proclaimed “most important meal of the day” is quickly becoming a dying art. Due to this sad truth, the dwindling number of breakfast purists unanimously agree that breakfast should be treated with the utmost respect and as an art form. So when preparing a delicious and nutritious breakfast, cereal should absolutely be out of the question.

No other food represents the epitome of laziness and mediocrity in the breakfast food community like cereal. If one chooses the route of cereal, they’re simply cheating themselves out of the seemingly endless combinations of eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, pancakes, waffles, French toast, fruits, syrups and goodness. All for what? Cheerios? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Sure, the argument can be made that cereal is quick and easy, but you know what else is quick and easy? A prostitute. The idea that forgoing the awkward steps of a relationship, in order to have sex with a complete stranger is tabooed, while cereal rarely catches any societal criticism is absolutely rubbish.

The rest of society needs to wake up. Literally wake yourself up 20 minutes earlier each day and make yourself some goddamn bacon and eggs. – Jon Zilinski

One Comment

  1. This article was cute and funny… right up until the second last paragraph and its horribly inappropriate jokes shaming sex work. This kind of ‘humour’ feeds directly into a culture that stigmatizes and dehumanizes sex workers, resulting in abuse and violence against people who do sex work. It’s not harmless, and it’s not funny. Gateway writers & editors, you can do better!

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