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Vino Bitches: Royal White

If Royal White came in a standard glass wine bottle, it might take the cake for being the worst white wine available. Thankfully, the “medium dry wine” is sold in two-litre plastic jugs, which works strongly in its favour to make it a novelty beverage.

In fact, the aesthetics of the jug are really something to appreciate. The screw-on lid fits perfectly onto a Gatorade bottle, which makes for a rad party trick. The label, which reveals hardly any information, is any minimalist’s dream.

Royal White has a funky aroma reminiscent of cleaning up a house the morning after a huge party. This would make sense because, like a house party, Royal White is actually a mix “from imported and domestic wines.” The result is a very confusing flavour with an overwhelming sweetness. Luckily, the burn from the alcohol disappears in a matter of seconds after swallowing, which makes it surprisingly drinkable.

At 12.5 per cent alcohol-per-volume, it’s not for the faint of heart. And with the reasonable price of $23 for two litres, Royal White is ideal for anybody looking to save their money in the new year.

If you’re prone to dropping and breaking glass bottles, if you’re trying to be thrifty, Royal White is definitely one of the best novelty choices available. Look for it on the bottom shelf at just about any liquor store, gathering dust until you and your friends decide to pick up and party with plastic.

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