Group Commentary: New Year’s Shenanigans

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Cabin Fever

Even though we’re all at different points in our university careers, the time in which we can still completely embarrass ourselves at parties or other social functions and blame our behaviour on youth is dwindling. So here are some recommendations involving greasy food, booze, family, more greasy food and animals that will guarantee future memory-making before New Year’s Eve is utterly devoid of magic, like how Christmas is now.

I spent my New Year’s Eve at my friend’s cabin in Invermere, British Columbia. Because we’re ruthless savages, the night prior combined with continued day drinking conjured a deadly hangover by 10 p.m. My day drinking consisted of us drilling holes in the ice to catch fish and shot gunning beers until I felt my soul physically leave my body. The enthusiasm projected from my friends and I in the freezing cold is something that could only be classified as Canadian, but could easily be mistaken for some kind of methamphetamine celebration.

Naturally, we began playing beer pong while “Pass that Dutch,” slowly thrusted us closer to 2016. By the time we headed to town for more drinks and the countdown, my body was taken over by hunger and general confusion. My last moments of 2015 consisted of spending $30 on mozza sticks, being asked by a stranger to motorboat her fake tits and someone salivating on my entire face. This all seemed like an accurate synopsis of the whole year which passed, hopefully fading far into the distance, back into the shadows where I’ve been struggling to emerge from. — Pia Araneta

Family Feud

New Year’s Eve 2015 was when things got a little weird for me. I spend every New Years with my mom’s whole family, so for four days I hang out with 14 relatives in a too-small house. Usually New Years Eve is pretty tame, because everyone wants to ski New Years day when the ski hill near the house is open. But this year, everyone went a little harder than usual.

By 10:30 p.m. I found myself in a conversation with my uncle (who is a doctor) about a new kind of uncurable gonorreah that is becoming more prevalent among young adults. An hour later, I had to convince my grandma to stop drinking because she was on track to fall over before the fireworks started. By the time midnight rolled along, I was screaming out “Hello” by Adele with my five cousins into a champagne bottle. It seems like pretty standard fare for New Years Eve, but I’m still baffled at the fact that my usually quiet family finally turned up after 22 years. — Kieran Chrysler

The Nesquik Bandit

Back on New Year’s Eve 2010, I was in grade 12 at a typical high school house party with around 100 other kids from various high schools. Aside from somebody getting bottled, people puking in every bathroom and teens getting it on in the hot tub, nothing seemed that out of the ordinary.

Until you noticed that somebody had taken a bottle of Nesquick and dumped the entire thing on a living room wall. The Nesquick dripped down onto the hardword floor and began pooling around a heating vent. Most people are dicks in high school, but the fact that somebody was possessed to “chocolatize” an entire wall still puzzles me to this day. — Jonathan Zilinski


I went to the casino by myself. — Josh Greschner

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