Budweiser Prohibition Brew
Price: $11.51/ 6-Pack
I certainly wasn’t paying attention last May when Budweiser released their non-alcoholic Prohibition Brew. I figured I’m as good a candidate as any to taste-test the waters of a beer with zero per cent alcohol, so now, 6 weeks into a stint of sobriety I fell off the wagon into another wagon carrying non-alcoholic six-packs.
A half-sack of Prohibition Brew costs $11.51 from Jasper Liquor Merchants off 116th street. The clerk didn’t ask for my ID, but he certainly asked for payment. I asked the guy how much of the stuff he sells, his answer: not a lot. I’m sure that selling 0 per cent beer at nearly two bucks a can has a lot to do with his sales figures. I was going drink a few cans regardless — student loans can absorb a fruitless expenditure now and again.
Back at my apartment, I pulled a black, white, and grey labeled can from the six-pack ring. I cracked the bad boy open and took a healthy pull. First impressions: it was pretty fucking good. I could tell the beer didn’t have any booze in it, but it surpassed anything non-alcoholic by Olympia or O’Douls.
I finished the first can faster than a Lister resident loses their virginity during week of welcome. But like all poor decisions, I was put off by the nutritional information — where there is consumption there is guilt.
150 calories per can, not a significant source of anything, and yadda yadda yadda. Prohibition Brew doesn’t have anything good for the body. It tasted good, but I thought of the stuff as flavoured water that will make me gluttonous. I drank three more cans.
The weird thing about drinking non-alcoholic beer was that I started to act as if I was drinking real beer. Over the course of three more cans I didn’t do any homework, study, or read. I listened to The Doors greatest hits for a while, became a pest on Snapchat, and then spent 45 minutes straight on Reddit.
I decided I was too sober for my behaviour and that I should go to bed. This is when my physiology determined otherwise. For some medical reason beyond my comprehension, four cans of non-alcoholic beer produces a lot of urine and smelly farts.
Budweiser’s Prohibition Brew tasted good, but I don’t recommend taking a six’er to a party. Any brownie points you may have accumulated from being the cool sober person will be lost the moment your sour flatulence and a crowded room of people combine.
I’ve got two cans left and I might try adding a little Clamato to the beer on a weekend night, when I’ll be sitting at home alone wondering what the Lister record is for a Wizard Staff length.