The only thing better than having casual sex (even if it is with yourself) is having casual sex while listening to the sweet rhythms of a rock’n’roll playlist. Winter reading week is basically an extra-long weekend. We, the students of post-secondary education, should be using this gift of time for re-reading textbook chapters, starting drafts for our term papers, and trying to remain sober enough to get our hands on a
person of sexual interest bachelors degree. Alas, we all just end up ignoring our student duties in light of an unconscious drive to ensure the biological imperative — through the contradictory use of prophylactics.
So, in the spirit of the unavoidable, I present to you all the seven songs for the seven day-long Saturday, better known as reading week.
Listen to the Playlist Below:
Let me introduce the playlist (and I’ll be on the other side of this week-long reading week madness if you need to Ask Jonah anything).
1. “I Need a Vice” by David Wilcox
You’ve probably never heard of David Wilcox. Regardless, the title of this tune is the perfect thesis statement for the curious first-year student. Or if you’ve got a new match on Hater, “I need a Vice” might work as a good opening line.
2. “Smokestack Lightnin’” by Howling Wolf
And in enters a tune from the Wolf of Wall Street sound track. If you haven’t heard this track before or watched a Martin Scorsese film, I’d withdrawal $500 from the emergency account your parents set up for you and sprint to the nearest strip club.
3. “Ball and Biscuit” by The White Stripes
This track is awesome and if you don’t like it I suggest smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey until you do.
4. “Feelin’ Bad Blues” by Ry Cooder
This song automatically comes on the jukebox when you walk into the Strat with the intent to kill a vicious hangover with more booze. And don’t forget to order a round of ugglies before you go.
5. “Rock and Roll Music” by Chuck Berry
Aren’t all of us millennials horny for things of the vintage nature? This track comes from out of the ‘50s, the same era Marilyn Monroe was supercharging female sexuality.
6. “Rip it Up” by Little Richard
No, your cousin from out east didn’t invent the phrase “Rip it Up [insert easterner slang for friend here].”
7. “Blue Monday” by Fats Domino
On Sunday night before class resumes, we all are going to be hastily writing e-mails to our profs to explain why the assignment, which is due Monday morning, will be handed in late. Or we all are going to be frantically googling plot summaries for the novel we should have finished. Or we all are going to stop to think twice about paying for a paper from one of those sites. Or, maybe winter reading week (and my playlist) did what it was supposed to do and cleared our heads before the class is back in session.