Getaway

Top 5: Rocks I found on my way to class

Rocks tell you a lot about an ecosystem, but I am a huge dumbass and don’t know what they’re saying.

There’s really not much to say about this list. Don’t eat rocks, I guess? Unless they contain essential vitamins like potassium or mercury. Rocks are cool though, I actually named my three large sons metamorphic, igneous, and sedimentary. Then I drove 53km into the forest and left them there lmao #kidssuck am I right.

5) My Heart

I have lost the ability to love anything and anyone and so my heart is as black and tiny as this rock. This rock would probably go well in a soup or some as some sort of party snack. Honestly, I’m so over this rock. It looks so fucking dumb, let’s go to the next one

4) This is not a Cheeto 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: this is not a rock but instead some sort of edible object. Well, pal, I’m sorry to break it to you, but it’s not. It’s a fucken rock and an ugly one at that. It’s such a long rock that I honestly can’t believe my eyes. Why is this rock so long? It’s not natural and honestly, I threw this rock right into the trash.

3) Do Ants go to Hell?

I like the shape and look of this rock. This is a good rock and it is definitely one I see myself throwing at underprivileged elderly people. It’s got a good heft to it. The colour is good too. It’s the colour of dirt, which is also my favourite hobby.

2) Fucked up Little Bitch Rock 

  1. Preheat the oven to 175 C (420.69 F)
  2. Cream the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar together until the mixture is smooth. Beat the eggs in one by one, stirring in the vanilla as you go. Dissolve the baking soda in some hot water. Add solution to batter along with salt. Stir in the flour, chocolate chips, and deez nuts. Make several mounds on ungreased pan.
  3. Bake for about 10 minutes, or 600 seconds. Stop when edges are nicely browned.

1) Big Kahuna Rock 

This rock has a real rustic feel to it. It’s a rock I could see myself buying at a farmers market, or maybe in an artisanal shop in Paris, France.

Notice the nuanced and well defined creases in the rock and admire their beauty. Don’t notice it? Look closer. Use your zoom. Anyways, it’s got a cute little peak at the top which reminds me a lot of a triangle. I’m in engineering, so I’m pretty good at picking out shapes, actually. This rock looks a bit rusty too, which is fine because it was sitting outside for along time and honestly what can you expect am I right? We don’t know what this rock has been through or where it’s been. For all we know, Alexander Rutherford could’ve thrown this rock at a bird or something. That’s kind of the cool thing about rocks, I guess, you don’t know where they have been or what they’re made of or if they’ll be your friend all you can hope for is that they’re not covered in lead and honestly that’s something any of us can hope for you. But yeah anyways Bernie would’ve won.

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