A scientific breakthrough reveals that contrary to the belief perpetuated for centuries, literally nobody gives a shit. Literally nobody. They don’t give a shit about that. And they don’t give a shit about that over there, there. And definitely not about that.
“This revelation is sure to rock the science world to its core,” said some guy who may or may not have actually given a shit about the topic at hand.
The news is proving disruptive for IRL and URL interactions alike, with thousands of reports flooding Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Users are complaining that the quickly spreading truth of nobody giving a shit is taking a toll on likes, comments, and attention online in particular: indeed, the selfie economy is set to experience a record low within hours. Experts are advising current users to post as soon as possible to draw in the highest engagement available at this time.
This reporter would explore more about the subject, but doesn’t give a shit.