🕵️♀️ Woman sleuth
There was no fedora emoji and I was upset about it.
This was a problem that I spent almost twenty minutes thinking about and over ten minutes knitting together a patchwork solution for. Faced with requiring an emoji for the tail end of a tweet trumpeting an act of incomparable chivalry, I reached the end of a mental tunnel. Haplessly flailing my thumbs in hopes that they would graze an appropriate pixelated representation of my social victory, I considered the smiling-face-with-cowboy-hat emoji, but it didn’t evoke the necessary aura of intellectualism. I considered the top hat emoji, but it carried with it an element of unearned economic security simply incompatible with the headgear favoured only by the most industrious and self-made of people. I considered the graduating student emoji, but the brim was a square.
I finally settled on the Female Detective Emoji, filling up the remainder of my 250 characters with 17 trench-coated, magnifying-glass-brandishing Shirley Holmeses.
While I initially chose Ms. Terry over Mr. E. because I hold deep-seated jealousy and irrational anger towards any face that can grow a proper moustache, in retrospect it’s also a pretty cool choice because even though Female Detective Emoji is not wearing a tie, her white dress shirt is still buttoned all the way up to the top and I think that’s a neat thing to do, no matter what my friends tell me.
And anyway, the detective hat she’s wearing is actually a fedora, so it’s not a major stretch or anything to just use that instead of lamenting the absence of an isolated fedora.