Rest in pieces, SUBmart post office

Neither rain, nor shine, nor sleet, nor hail; nothing can stop the mail. Except contract expiration. That’ll do it.

Struck down in the prime of its life, the Canada Post in SUBmart will soon be sent to the great mail repository in the sky. The facility will be closing in April and a proper funeral and burial is sure to follow. And for the sake of the people that loved and used this branch to send and receive mail and packages during its short time on this Earth, I’d just like to say you will not mourn alone. To follow are words of farewell for our, soon to be post, post office.

The prevalence of student loans being validated outside our little mail amigo’s walls is what really did them in. Reports say that last year, the SUBmart post office only processed about 20 per cent of the student loans than it did five years ago. It was clear that time was limited for our envelope envoy, but to lose them so suddenly is a blow heavier than the Canada Post maximum package weight of 30 kilograms.

The world was unkind to our package-dispatching friend. Despite living in almost full anonymity, the little stationery courier managed to sustain a one star review on Yelp. Not that anyone uses Yelp anymore. The two had quite a bit in common when you think about it that way. Now through gloom of night, campus residents must trek to reach the nearest Canada Post, which is 20 minutes away on Whyte Ave; a crushing blow to students in residence who hate having to go outside. We hope you find some kind of Skip the Dishes for mail.

But instead of shedding a tear and saying, “there was a post office there?” we should smile and think of all the wonderful things that could take its place. Maybe they could make a storage closet and stuff all the people blocking up HUB to get a pretzel into it, or set up an outpost for the bookstore so that people who are only buying codes for online textbooks don’t have to stand around with the physical copy crowd. Or maybe they’ll install a ball-pit to help ease finals stress and provide a safer alternative to hard drugs. The choices truly are limitless.

Whatever happens, our snail mail pal shall certainly be missed dearly. Perhaps we shall see you again, Canada Post in SUBmart, in another lifetime. Maybe we’ll be rushing out the door to send an important letter only to find you, tucked away in the corner, ready to swiftly complete your appointed rounds. The next time we think of you, and the tiny role you had in our lives, we might smile, might shed a tear. One thing is for sure: you will be missed by anyone who doesn’t know how to use email.

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