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Burlap Sack: Soju

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Game of Thrones is here,

And hearts will be glowing,

It’s the mooost wonderful time of the yeeeeaar!

Who am I kidding. April is arguably the worst time of the year. Finals are looming above our heads, all the assignments we’ve procrastinated on are due, and the weather is in a gloomy limbo between warm enough for shorts and cold enough for cozy sweaters.

That’s why so many of us go out for one last night of drinking and terrible decisions before metamorphosing into a hermit state, where we’ll be surrounded by piles of textbooks and notes that don’t quite make sense.

My friends typically choose Steel Wheels as the honorary spot for a last hurrah. It’s a grungy, graffiti filled pizzeria where people can go and be rowdy after a night of partying for some late night pizza, Korean food, and… soju, a Korean alcoholic beverage. I think the food and atmosphere at Steel Wheels is great, but then again, I’ve never been there sober.

Soju is to blame for that. It’s sweet and fruit-flavoured, meaning that while you don’t think you’re turning into an incoherent gremlin as you down yet another shot, you absolutely are.

I firmly believe that soju is one of the absolute worst concoctions known to man. The grape flavour tastes like someone injected a shot of Everclear into a grape. Soju also comes in flavours like peach, strawberry, and grapefruit. Grapefruit it isn’t even a good fruit, so who thought it would be good as a flavour for alcoholic beverages? And yet, despite knowing that every single flavour tastes like a horrible cough syrup, I still go on to try a few different ones each time because maybe the next one will be better!

So if you’re looking to try some new beverages to spice up a night of fun, I suggest instead mixing Drambuie with various citrus-flavoured mixers. Although Korean Jesus may have turned water into soju, it doesn’t taste divine at all. This unpopular opinion might get me kicked out of Subtle Asian Traits, but I’m really putting this out there for the greater good.

Anyway, despite the fact that the mere thought of soju triggers my gag reflex, I’m off to one more night at Steel Wheels, where I will inevitably end up clutching an apple-flavoured variety of the poison and whispering “my precious” when someone says it’s time to go home.

Tina Tai

Tina is the 2019-20 Online Editor of The Gateway. She is a Psychology major and enjoys training her cats to give high-fives using behaviour modification methods. In her spare time she enjoys making sushi, watching murder mystery shows, and taking naps so long they may as well be sleeps.

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