Getaway

CJSR launches successful heist to rescue their logo from DIE Board

The stars aligned as CJSR agents snuck into the depths of the DIE Board offices and rescued their stolen logo.

For weeks, CJSR and other SU services were unable to use their beloved logo during the elections as they were confiscated by DIE Board. The board, fearing the influence the logos had on the innocent undergraduate population, sealed them away in a hidden location until further notice.

“You won’t believe how much star power our logo has,” said Natty Romanon. “Seriously, the star’s colour is from all of our volunteer’s blood, sweat, and tears. I think it’s starting to become a health hazard at this point.”

The DIE Board’s defences were thought to be impregnable: their offices were only open at randomly-generated times and were equipped with 24-hour security cameras (repurposed from FAB), solid steel lockers (salvaged from Van Vliet), and guard dogs (borrowed from CAAWLS).  However, their greatest defence was that the average undergraduate student knows next to nothing about DIE Board’s existence, nor its location.

“No, CJSR, I expect you to DIE,” said Green and Goldfingers, shortly after the station’s appeal to use their logo failed.

With desperate times came desperate measures, and CJSR resorted to an impossible mission. Judging from evidence left behind at the scene, it appeared that a rave distracted the security personnel, excessive electronica was used to short-circuit the system, the power of punk rocked the lockers open, and smooth jazz was used put the dogs to sleep (and subsequently adopted because they’re so damn fwuffy. Aww).

In the aftermath, DIE Board is looking pretty shaken, but not stirred. Meanwhile, CJSR is pretty happy to have their stuff back, at least until the next inevitable confiscation in five years.

“What an undergrad can’t remember doesn’t exist to them,” said Jessica Born. “It’s hard enough to get them to remember to vote. Seriously though, the logo is the only thing we get recognized for nowadays.”

That’s right. Video didn’t kill the radio star!

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