The Getaway 2017

ESS hoping to increase fee to $3,000 per semester

In a bid to stay competitive, the Engineering Students’ Syndicate has requested that Students’ Council let them present a referendum to students on raising their fee to $3,000 per semester. ESS president Michelangelo Dicaprio cites policy shifts in the political arena as the key incentive for the fee increase.

“As it stands, engineers really have it tough,” he said. “They have the most expensive degrees, and the most courses per term, I think. But amidst the blood, sweat, and tears, the high costs are a reminder of why we’re here  — we’re here to someday be rich enough to think this shit was cheap.”

However, Students’ Union vice-president (operations and finance) Patches on the Elbow of Your Sweater’s Sleeve was not convinced.

“I think you didn’t rightly anticipate how this might affect your growth in the future, especially in the light of further political upsets,” he said. “I mean, what if the UCP gets in power? Then you’ll have to bring down your fee all over again!”

Students’ Union president Tina Stairwell Railing cited the importance of consistency in back-breaking expenses for the students of tomorrow.

“You need to make sure that students today aren’t suffering more than their successors will. It’s gotta be fair, and it’s gotta build character,” she said. “School should cost, like, as much as a child on the black market, no more, no less. If you’re filling that niche, then I’m all ears, but wait till the next election.”

After further explanation from the ESS executive, Sleeve’s concerns were assuaged.

“Look, take the money you want, but leave some to help us renovate our theatre, please,” she said.

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