Nana AndohThe CBC recently published an article titled “5 reasons why extreme cold isn’t all bad,” and, honestly, I have some beef with it.
It’s a nice sentiment, sure, but nice sentiments can’t keep me warm when I’m trekking from CCIS to Education, Dave. Can’t I just wallow in my chilly sorrows without some journalist mansplaining to me that the ungodly cold is actually good? Naturally, the only reasonable thing to do when Edmonton is physically colder than the North Pole is to lament over how my fragile 20-year-old body is freezing.
1. Cold snaps kill the will to go to class
Trading my bed for a desk in the Humanities Centre is hard enough when the only things keeping me going are caffeine and carbs. Add a bus that shows up half an hour late (if at all) and a trip across a deserted campus long enough for my hair to grow white (with age and frost), and you can forget about me showing up for my 8am lecture. Can you blame me? My professor doesn’t even want to be here when it’s this cold and dark. This is the sign you’ve been waiting for: stay inside and let your participation mark take the L today.
2. Cold weather means more sick students
I know you hear me sniffling in a silent corner of Rutherford North. I’m sorry. I don’t want my nose to be this runny either. With temperatures downwards of -30 C, you inevitably either catch the flu or get stuck in a class with what seems like every sick person on campus. When you’re coughing, having anxiety about coughing, or staring daggers at someone who’s coughing, writing an essay can be pretty distracting. If you have three midterms to write and feel a sore throat coming on, buckle up buddy. I’m pouring some DayQuil out for my ill comrades.
3. Extreme cold means less, or no, trips to the gym
My optimistic New Year’s resolution to get fitter, healthier, and happier? I don’t know her. Have I paid my mandatory university gym fees? Yes. Do I know that exercising increases dopamine levels and would make me feel warmer? Yes. Am I willing to leave my house to go to Van Vliet Centre, of all places? Not in a million years, or until being outside stops feeling like Jack Frost has personally cursed me, whichever comes first. I’ll go to the gym once it gets just a little warmer. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
4. Chilly weather means I am not dressing
Contrary to what some memes might suggest, my wardrobe is absolutely not cut out for this weather. On top of that, the so-called temperature “regulation” in campus buildings is a volatile beast. Catch me at the back of the class with my winter jacket still on, only to shed all my layers 60 minutes into an 80-minute class. Sometimes I just want to impress a cutie in my seminar with an even cuter outfit, but these extreme cold warnings are not here for it. But, hey, I guess if they don’t love me at my sweaters, scarf, sweatpants, parka, and Doc Martens, they don’t deserve me at my marginally thinner sweaters.
5. Icier roads mean less iced coffee
Yes, I’ll admit it, I’m back on regular hot coffee. I’m weak, and my hands are cold enough as it is, even if I’m still rocking the classic Hudson’s Bay Canada mittens. I do still need my caffeine fix—trust that I haven’t forgotten about my piles of papers and midterms—but I cannot in good faith put cold brew into my even colder body. Is this a serious problem? No. Is it still a sad day when I can’t drink iced coffee? Yes. If you’re still out here drinking cold brew, I salute you, brave soul.
I’m not going to lie to you. Cold weather sucks, and not even my beloved CBC can convince me otherwise. Please, fellow students, join me in my curmudgeonly ways, and stay in bed this week.
