Arts & CultureCampus & City

UASU Vote 2019: The Candidates as Memes

Fair warning: These are our hottest takes.

President

Akanksha Bhatnagar: Antifa Gritty

Gritty has two identities: on the one hand, he belongs to an institution, a hockey team. On the other hand, he’s the all-new poster boy for radical politics. Gritty’s cult of personality is as potent as his institutional clout is powerful. As you connect the dots, I ask: will Andre Bourgeois get sent to the gulag?

Andre Bourgeois: We Live in a Society

Given his background as a sociology student, many of Bourgeois’s term papers have no doubt boiled down to that at once trivial and profound statement, “We live in a society.”


Vice-President (Academic)

Joel Agarwal: They Did Surgery on a Grape

I’m not sure what kind of science Agarwal studies, but I’m guessing he’s pre-med? He gives me pre-med vibes. And in the spirit of his “collaboration fund,” he’s bound to find surprising solutions to non-existent problems, like the organ failures of small fruits.


Vice-President (External)

Adam Brown: Is this a Pigeon?

Put “40 minutes with the Prime Minister” where the pigeon is and write “Is this meaningful advocacy?” as the caption. Need I say more?

Robert Bilak: Let’s Get this Bread

With his underdog narrative and go-getter attitude, Bilak is ready to rise and grind, my fellow gamers.


Vice-President (Operations& Finance)

Luke Statt: Gru’s Plan

Statt has a plan. Sort of. With the power flow charts, budgets, and eight student committees, he’ll save our SU. Maybe. But put “making students pay to fix the uni’s problems” or “opt-in SU fees” in panels three and four, and we’ll how Statt’s big boy business brain fares.


Vice-President (StudentLife)

Jared Larsen: American Chopper

This is how I imagine Larsen’s meetings with university admin will go: fierce fights overlaid with thorny policy debates. Like the lads in American Chopper, will Larsen unleash his righteous rage? Will he come to an understanding with his opponents? I can’t wait to find out.

Shuaa Rizvi: I Don’t Feel so Good

Like Spider-Man in Avengers: Infinity War, Rizvi is a hero who’s new to the game, battling nerves, and trying to prove herself. Like Spider-Man, this battle may end with her disappearance into spooky Thanos dust. But Spider-Man, of course, will be back in Avengers: Endgame. And I, for one, hope Rizvi will come back next year too.

Rory Storm: Will Smith in YouTube Rewind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkM-ckeitCc

“Unghhhhh! Das hot, das hot!” Imagine Storm saying this at a big student group event, looking through his binoculars to an envoy of CSJ students or frat bros on their way to main quad. Like epic, relatable YouTuber Will Smith, Storm just wants this place to be a party.


Undergraduate Board of GovernorsRepresentative

Rowan Ley: Surprised Pikachu

This is Ley’s face when Michael Phair tells him his “business case” for treating students with compassion and respect won’t bring the Board on board.

Jonah Dunch

Jonah Dunch is in his third year of a BA Honours with a major in philosophy and a minor in drama. Aside from his work at The Gateway, Jonah writes, directs, and acts in plays. He eats your clicks for dinner.

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