Getaway

UCP candidate found NOT to be a white nationalist

For the first time this election season, a United Conservative Party candidate was found not to have spewed racist drivel all over the place.

A Getaway investigation has found that there was at least one UCP candidate running in the 2019 Alberta election that hasn’t said anything incredibly fucked up, out-of-touch, or borderline white nationalist. The candidate in question, Jimmy Latus, was found to have never made any statements about gay people being like pedophiles, denying climate change, or saying that rural Albertans come from “a superior stock.” There may be more hiding in the ranks, but this will only be confirmed when the investigation has fully concluded.

Latus told The Getaway that he wasn’t prepared for the shitstorm that is the UCP when he first ran for nomination.

“I just wanted to run on conservative fiscal policy and get jobs back to Alberta,” he said. “But now there’s all these crazy racists, climate deniers, and Islamaphobes coming out of the woodworks! Maybe I should’ve just ran for the Alberta Party.”

As to the total number of uncontroversial UCP candidates, Latus said that while he doesn’t know the exact figures, he feels that he’s very much in the minority.

“I have very little faith that anyone else in this party is sane,” he said. “Maybe there’s one or two other people? I don’t know. I’m just afraid.”

We’re afraid too, Jimmy. We’re very, very afraid.

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